#4 – A whole new level…

Posted by: Sol-5 on: April 26, 2009

• In: Uncategorized
• 2 Comments

Of nerdiness, or nerdom, or something.

Please ignore this rant if you’re allergic to geeky games.

Recently the apartment has been overcome with Pokémon Fever. That’s right, P-o-k-e-accent-m-o-n.

Everything old is new again. Transformers, G.I. Joe, Dragonball Z (in the ugly American “Evo” form, and the potentially awesome “Kai” remastered version), Street Fighter and now, for some reason, Pokémon.

At least at my apartment (Platinum mostly…).

So something occured to me, as I was playing today. I’m starting off in the beginning, and I guess ultimately it’s a game, which has to progress in a logical skill curve. BUT, really the Pokémon universe is confusing as hell:

1) YOU as the “main character” always get the choice of an AWESOME starter Pokémon. All the other trainers out there have bullshit things like Ratattas and Pidgeys, or their “modern equivalents” Starly and Bidoof. Bidoof.

I mean, what the fuck?!

What the fuck kind of name is that? I guess people are getting lazy. (Incidentally, what a crazy job that would be, coming up with Pokémon names… even if they were just Romanizations…).

Anyways, it sucks to not be the main character. Otherwise you get stuck with a fucking Bidoof.

2) Despite the fact that there are 8 Gyms in each “land,” and that anyone can approach them in any order (in the universe), the first one you conveniently happen upon is a complete pushover… I mean, WTF. Does any random fucker get to be a Gym Leader? What kind of standards do you have Pokémon League?

3) Complete ignoring of the “canon” “laws” of the “universe.” That’s right, I used quotation marks 3 times! And I’d do it again too! For example:

a. Onix is a HUGE ASS ROCK SNAKE. And yet, little fucking Zubats and Bidoofs feel the need to randomly attack it (technically, you, I guess). But still, fucking Onix could just smash the bejeezus out of Bidoof and be done with it. But NOOOOOOO. You gotta actually fight it out!

b. Speaking of Bidoofs and such. Bidoof seems like a pretty harmless and chill Pokémon. I mean, what the hell is it? A beaver? A woodchuck? And yet, you as the protagonist are either 1) attacked at random by them, or 2) decide to seek them out to pummel their poor little fuzzy brains in for “experience.” I mean, WTF? Are Bidoofs really that fucking dangerous that they attack unprovoked? And what the fuck kind of heartless bastard goes out and randomly attacks poor little fuzzy Pokémon?

Honestly.

Well that’s enough, my hikikomori friend here is done with WOW for the night, so I’m headed to eat.

Peace and love. Rock on and geek out!

Tags: Anime, Games, Geek, Humor